Philly Moms

When It Comes to Vaccines, I Believe in the Wisdom of Moms

Get your rocks ready.

I know someone is going to throw one at my head by the time they are halfway through this post. But yes, I am one of those moms who chose an "alternate" vaccination schedule. After doing a lot of reading up on vaccines and the latest vaccine research, after talking to other parents, after a lot of gut-wrenching "what-if" conversations with my husband, we decided to not load up our precious little one with lots of vaccines all at once but rather spread them out over time. She is still getting all the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommended required shots but on a slightly different timetable. This was not an easy decision to come to but it was the one that felt right to us. And, our decision was reinforced after my daughter's first round of vaccinations when she woke up with a raging fever that night which pretty much sealed the deal for me that vaccines are not always to be trusted.

Procrastinating is a bad, bad thing

The bio on my personal blog is my attempt to introduce myself to my readers.  One of the character traits (ok, flaws) that I admit to is being a procrastinator.

Yeah.  I've been one all my life, and it has always served me well.  I (almost) always get things done just under the wire and besides a bit of extra stress at the last minute, procrastinating has never been a huge problem.

Just a glimpse at my house this morning, when I left to take the girls to school and then to head straight to the grocery store:

--Breakfast dishes on the table
--Clean dishes still in the dishwasher
--Folded laundry not put away
--Two clean loads of laundry, still unfolded
--Sheets not changed on the beds, despite Audrey asking me to take the flannels off her bed on Friday (or was it Thursday...)
--Two (three?) loads of laundry to be sorted, washed, and dried (laundry day is Friday...)

My Michael Pollan Moments (s)

That Michael Pollan. The "Omnivore's Dilemma" and "Food Rules" guy had a way of ruining all the fun -- even though I know he didn't mean to do so.

Take yesterday for instance. We were out at the grocery store, and my daughter picked up a countainer of Peeps. The marshmallow sugar-crusted chicks were a bright blue, a color most certainly not found in the natural world. As we got into the car, and I eyeballed the candy, I said to her "Don't tempt me." Quickly she assured me that she hadn't bought the confection for me, but for herself.

Lost Boy

This morning I pulled out my old leg warmers, hustled over to the CVS for a can of Aqua Net, and popped on a little "Frankie Say Relax", to honor yet another young life lost. This morning, it was confirmed by the LAPD, that childhood actor and 80's icon, Corey Haim was found dead in Los Angeles. One half of the famous "Coreys" is no more. And the world is a little darker for it.

Corey was an 80's heartthrob. Don't tell me that you didn't have his Tiger Beat pinup on your wall alongside Ralph Macchio, Rob Lowe, and C. Thomas Howell. You know that you did. And while it had been a while since Corey had wowed us with the likes of Lucas or Lost Boys, he had been fondly remembered by millions of teen girls now in their thirties, who, like me, grew up watching young Corey make his mark on the world.

Mini Me

The winter in southeastern PA has been none too kind. This corner of the state has endured every snow, ice and cold that anyone could begin to imagine. People were trapped inside their homes, for days on end, with nothing left to do but wait for Spring. To avoid the inevitable cabin fever, I tried my best to get out with my Little Chica.  When the weather was brutally cold and snowy, my weekly (daily? How honest are we being here?) routine consisted of walking around the Exton Square Mall.    It was indoors, heated, entertaining, and free (most days I was able to restrain from any kind of formal shopping). I like the mall.  I like being around people.  And, in the middle of a bad winter, I liked being anywhere but my own house.

A few weeks ago, on one of the first days in which the temperature climbed into the 40's (huzzah! huzzah!), I decided to  change things up, and directed my sights to Main Street in Exton.  Located not far from the mall, Main Street is a collection of shops modeling a generic downtown. Patrons are able to walk outside from shop to shop. After being held hostage in my house for weeks on end, it gave me the opportunity to walk around outside between stores instead of being confined to a large building (no offense, mall).  This meant fresh air and exercise for Little Chica and I.  It was exactly what we needed.

Our first stop was a clothing store.  Little Chica and I enjoyed perusing the merchandise, lazily meandering from rack to rack.  When we arrived at the children's section, Little Chica was quickly taken by a display of children's sunglasses.  She used to have a pair of her own, but they now too small for her face.  I checked the prices, and the glasses were on sale. (Parent Note: I also believe in caring for the health of our eyes, so I feel that getting her to consistently wear sunglasses might be a good habit to get into.)

My Thumb Sucker

Middle sucks his thumb. Actually, according to him, he "ducks his dumb." He's four. People tell me he won't suck at graduation and he won't suck at his wedding, and I'm counting on that. At four, I'm not going to punish him for sucking. I'm not even discouraging him from sucking, though I do, at times, remind him that he doesn't need to suck his thumb all the time. Its not like he does it on purpose. When I point it out he responds with a surprised, "oh, yeah."

Last summer, Middle fell from a tree house, breaking his wrist, the wrist of the "ducking-dumb".  Because of his size, he needed a full-arm cast, therefore, there was no physical way for him to suck his thumb. The other thumb "doesn't work." This is it! We thought. There's no way a child can go three weeks without sucking his thumb and not be "cured."

May I Have Your Attention Please?

I watched as my son fidgeted in his seat. "I just can't do it, mom! I'm So frustrated!" he cried. His eyes were filling up with tears. I smiled on the outside but my heart was melting for him on the inside. I reached over and put my hand under his chin. I told him to look me in the eyes. "You can do this Robert.", I said fighting back my frustrations as well. "I will help you." This is homework time for us and this dialog happens frequently.

My son was officially diagnosed with ADD in the fall of 2008. However, I have known in my heart that he has had it for a long time. Maybe since he was born, maybe since he was a toddler. I don't know if ADD/ADHD is something you are born with or something you develop. That is another blog entry for another day. All I truly know is that it has been a struggle for a long time. Even as a toddler I would watch him constantly fidgeting even as he was falling asleep. He was never one to sit down and just watch a movie. Although, after a lot of hard work I can proudly say that now he can.

Giving myself a break

Today, I'm giving myself a break. 

I've been hard on myself lately, as far as my parenting skills are concerned.  I feel like a failure.  I never established boundaries about where my children can (and can't) eat in the house.  My oldest doesn't even eat fruit anymore.  My daughter has been crawling into our bed at night, and we're too tired to move her back.  And my three year old watches too much tv.  Not too mention:  we don't always eat organic and local.  There may well be BPA in their water bottles, but it doesn't matter because they prefer their drinks with high fructose corn syrup. 

Most of the time, I can let these issues slide.   And take heart in the fact that my children are generally happy and healthy, they take pride in doing well in school, and tend to be respectful towards grown ups (though we're still working on the eye contact).  But lately, I've been feeling like a failed parent.  Seems like everytime I turn around, I encounter someone who seems to be doing better than me.

Then today I heard a story on the radio, and realized that I'm doing okay.  I'm doing better than okay.  I may actually be a fabulous parent.  Because while I can easily recall the last time I yelled at the kids, I honestly can't remember the last time I brought one of my children along while I robbed a jewelry store. 

Where Are You Hiding? (An Open Letter to Philly Moms)

Dear Philly Moms,

I hope you are well. I know that we've all had a rough go of it lately, what with the snow. It's hard being cooped up inside when you don't have children to deal with, but (as you know) adding a little one to the mix can make it next to unbearable.

Actually, I've been meaning to ask - were you staying inside even before the snow? 

I used to occasionally see you walking your fancy jogging stroller up 3rd through Queen Village. Sometimes you turned up at the Headhouse farmer's market, baby tucked into a front carrier (let's not get into the times you tried to navigate the aforementioned giant stroller through the crowded market). Every so often I saw you leaving Whole Foods on South Street, averting your eyes from the window of the yoga studio where you were too tired/ cheap/ flexibility-challenged to attend prenatal or mommy-and-me classes.

Learning to Just Say No

I’m a people pleaser.  I want people to like me; I can’t stand strife.  Because of this, I often find myself pleasing someone against my own wishes.  In college, it was helping out an editor with just one more article.  (Even though I had a paper due the next day, and had already written two pieces that week.)  At work, it was helping someone out with a project that wasn’t in my group. 

In mommyhood, with a growing family and schedule, it’s getting asked to volunteer constantly.  To join just one more playgroup.  To just please pick up two-dozen cupcakes for the class.

And the mom factor adds an entirely new dynamic – most of these volunteer opportunities are easy, so who could say no? 

Because how hard is it to scoot over to the grocery store to pick up extra cookies for the class?  And why shouldn’t I join one more playgroup for my 3-year-old because he would enjoy it?

Spring has Sprung at the Philadelphia Flower Show

The thesaurus left something out.

I looked up synonyms for the word "miserable" on thesaurus.com and came up with the following:  "contemptible, deplorable, despicable, detestable, godforsaken..." and so on.  All accurate, I suppose, but there was one glaring omission.  If you really want to get a feel for the word "miserable," simply substitute the phrase "Philadelphia in the winter."

Philly winters stink.  Especially this one.  We've had 85 feet of snow, trash hasn't been collected in weeks, entire city blocks have disappeared.  It's been ugly and spring is still weeks away.

Which is why, every year in late February or early March, the Pennsylvania Horticultural Society gifts we winter-weary Philadelphians with a true balm for our souls--the glorious Philadelphia Flower Show.

Lessons Learned at Swimming Lessons

I am under no illusions that my 2 1/2 year old is actually learning to swim, but Sydney and I have been enjoying our weekly jaunts at the mommy-and-me Perch class at our local YMCA.  We have our routine down--we get there early so I can squeeze in a short workout and she can play, then we head up to the locker room to get our suits on.

Every 8-week session, there are new families in the class.  I am always curious to see what new connections Sydney and I can make with the kids and parents who "swim" with us.  There are the usual assortment of stay-at-home moms, as we go on a weekday morning.  Sometimes the token grandparent, but all quite normal-looking folks hoping to have a little fun and bonding time with their toddlers.

But I have found that beyond the average-seeming exterior sometimes lurks the strange, odd, or even bizarre.  And I have an example from each of our last two sessions...

The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman - A SV Moms Group Book Club

Does your child have an imaginary friend? What would you do if you thought - or knew - your child's imaginary friend had a bit too strong of a hold on her? Jet off to Belize in search of Mayan healers to banish the friend? What a story this is. And a real life one too. Join us today as we discuss The Possibility of Everything by Hope Edelman.

Hope has also graciously done a Q&A with the SV Moms Group bloggers. Read the Q&A here.

• Lori from New Jersey Moms Blog leads us off as she is parenting by feel
• Florinda from The 3 R's Blog: Reading, 'Riting, and Randomness has a perception of danger and possibility
• Marianne from Writer-Mommy thinks its hard to be three
• Cristie's from The Traveling Circus eyes were opened by this faith journey
• Jennifer from Connect with your Teens through Pop Culture and Technology examines believing in the unknown
• Darryle from I never signed up for this... starts to talk about her own journey with a healer for cancer
• Michelle from Wife and Mommy asks what wouldn't I do?
• Lisa from blog on the wall is keeping faith
• Kristine from Mommy Needs Therapy or a Bottle of Wine wishes for magic
• Lisa from Hannemaniacs says bring on the bush doctor
• Cindy Fey from We All Fall Down knows she need to let her daughter be who she is without projecting her fears on her
• Michele Spring Fajeau Read Out Loud discusses faith, hope and healing
• Jessica from It's my life... thinks about the lengths mothers will go to help their children
• Nicole from Not Just a Working Mom related to feeling like a single mom sometimes
• Amy's from Occupation Mommy daughter's imaginary friend is named Sally
• Meghan from Meg's Idle Chatter has a mother's instinct
• Jessica from This Mom Rocks It talks about the art of parenting
• Linsey from Me Too You asks if twins need an imaginary friend?
• Heidi from Coast to Coast Mom is a workweek widow

New Jersey Moms Blog is hosting the book club discussion this month. Please go here to join in the discussion.

Past SV Moms Group Book Clubs have included:

• The Mominatrix's Guide to Sex by Kristen Chase
• Coco Chanel & Igr Stravinsky by Chris Greenhalgh
• See Mom Run by Beth Feldman
• Close Encounters of the Third-Grade Kind by Phillip Done
• This is Where I Leave You by Jonathan Topper
• Do One Nice Thing by Debbie Tenzer
• Birth Day by Mark Sloan, M.D.
• What Happened to the Girl I Married? by Michael Miller
• Testimony by Anita Shreve
  
• Comfort Food by Kate Jacobs
  
• Much to Your Chagrin by Suzanne Guilette
  
• It Started with Pop-Tarts by Lori Hanson
  
• Who By Fire by Diana Spechler
• The White Trash Moms Handbook by Michelle Lamar
• Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues
• The Vaccine Book by Dr. Robert W. Sears
• The Other Mother by Gwendolen Gross

Click here to read all about the SV Moms Group Book Club.

How Much Is Too Much: Keeping My Children Safe

I always expected that, in addition to my bra size and hips, my world would get bigger when I had children.  My perspective would broaden, my community would expand, and my experiences would be more varied upon my transformation into A Mother.  Before I had kids, I lived all over the country, traveled extensively, and did my (ahem)  fair share of exploration and experimentation.   Still, I anticipated the doors to open even wider and I looked forward to my debut in my newer, bigger I'm A Mom world.

Certainly, with parenthood came new perspectives and new experiences – almost immediately after they yanked the first child, slick and seriously displeased, from my belly, those perspectives and experiences started coming hard and fast. 

Sleeplessness, sore nipples, explaining that "she" is actually a "he" but "yes, thanks, he is gorgeous.  Takes after his dad," and a love so scarily different and unconditional that the weight of it threatened to crush me.  New mothers are all familiar with these.  It was the way I felt so vulnerable in this newer, bigger world that took me most by surprise.