A Name I Call Myself

I cringe everytime I have to fill out a form that asks for my "occupation."  It's not that I regret that I don't have a professional title to fill in.  It's not that I'm unhappy to be home full-time with my kids.  It's that I am not satisfied with any of the terms that are out there for those women in my category.

Reluctantly, I've come to accept "stay-at-home-mom," but it just doesn't feel like a good fit.  It seems to imply that all I do is, well, stay at home.  And I really can't stand the shortened SAHM; using only the initials just seems to suck any life out of the term at all.  (I wonder if CPAs feel the same way?)

But I can't find another title out there that works for me.  "Full-time mom" somehow suggests that it's possible to be a "part-time" parent.  It's insulting to parents who also work outside the home; is any parent really only part-time?

Don't get me started on "housewife," or anything that suggests that because I am home full-time with my children, I single-handedly maintain the house.  I applaud the moms I know (and those I don't) who can get all the housecleaning done.  I'm just not one of them.  When my husband and I were first married -- before children -- we each worked full-time, and we split the housework.  (In fact, he's much more of a clean-freak than I am; I stopped scrubbing the tub and shower when I realized that he would just scrub it again as soon as I was finished.) Since then, a lot has changed.  Over the course of 7 years, I gradually took on more of the child care -- I went from full-time job and full-time nanny, to part-time job and part-time nanny, to no job and no nanny.  And while I have assumed most of the childcare (at least during my husband's work hours), I can't say that I've also assumed more of the household duties.  My husband still makes a significant contribution to maintaining our house (as does, I confess, our twice-monthly house-cleaner!), so I can't claim the house as my domain. 

So what does that make me?  Honestly, to say I am the childcare provider in my family sounds insane, but it's the most accurate.

"Homemaker" doesn't work for me, either.  Maybe it's because my husband is the one who cares that, after dinner and before we put the kids to bed, we completely tidy at least a few rooms of the house.  It always feels aggravating and unnecessary at the time: aren't we just going to mess it up again tomorrow?  (And yes, I feel the same way about making the beds.)  But when we do reunite downstairs after the kids are asleep, I always appreciate that he took the effort -- the toy-free, clutter-free environment is quiet and soothing.  If that's not making a significant contribution towards making a house a home, I don't know what is.  So how can I claim the title of "homemaker?" Frankly, every single one of us -- from my husband and me to our kids and right on down to our cat -- contributes to making this place a home.

And I can't be so glib (or bold) as to say I'm a "domestic goddess" or "CEO of my household" or any of those other cutesy answers.  Maybe if I cleaned more, or handled all the finances... but I don't.

In googling (unsuccessfully) the name of a speaker I once heard who had eloquent and sound reasons (which now escape me) for calling herself a "homemaker," I came across this contest, so I guess I'm not the only one.  From what I can tell, there was no clear winner.

I don't have a solution here, either.  I'll settle for filling in "SAHM" on the forms, and forgoing a title completely when someone asks what I do ("I'm currently home full-time with my children.")  But I'd like to find a title that fits -- at least before I have to start calling myself an "empty nester."