Step Away from the Gavel

If you haven't read Lindsay's post titled The Non-Mom Judgment - How Pink & Princesses are Bringing Down Feminism, please do. She wrote a great post and fabulous rebuttal to Gender Norms Start In The Womb.

As I read the it, I was already feeling frustrated about the judgments I face every week.  If it's not from a family member, it's an actual friend or absolute stranger.  By no means am I perfect and never pass judgment, but find myself feeling very angry when others judge mothers for absolute ridiculous reason. Case in point -- I was in a store a few weeks back and as I was waiting in line to checkout, there was a mom next to me with her toddler daughter.   Her daughter began to cry and whine, sounding similar to my son when he has just had enough with shopping.  The mother attempted to calmly soothe her, but her little one was at a point of no return.   Ah, yes, I know exactly how this mother must have felt.  So, I just smiled at her and her little one.   However, others in the store did not have the same reaction.   The woman at the counter actually began to say how awful it was that this woman had her child out.   And stated it was "really a bad situation", because the toddler had taken her shoe off in protest.   Um, if that's a bad situation to this woman, than wait until she gets a hold of my little guy.   Or perhaps, she has never experienced an actual bad situation.  Her entire attitude and judgmental behavior truly upset me!

I just do not get it.  I do not get the mean glares, the negative comments, and poor attitudes directed at moms.  Hey, people!  You are judging a mother just trying to her best.  You know, the same type of woman that nurtured you and listen to you scream about wanting cookies at 9:00 AM in aisle 5.  And this woman that you are passing judgement against needs food as well , so she must go to the food store. Oh, and yes she needs to bring her child because its illegal to leave a two year home alone.  Give her a break and perhaps smile at her for a change.

I posted on my blog several months ago about a complete stranger commenting on my son and his binkie.  I was in shock and became furious by the time we got home.  In the very moment I was confronted, I think I handled it well and I am thankful my anger was delayed (looking back).   Knowing that this gentleman actually thought his advice was sound and welcomed, I chalked it up to bad manners.  But it actually pains me when judgements are just plain mean.   How about when a "friend" questions you about your long drive home after an office day and how awful it is that your child's dinner is delayed until 6:30.  Wait, what!  That's not awful, not a "bad situation" and completely unavoidable.   As you can see my emotions felt while in the store observing others' comments towards another mother just brought up all the judgments and mean comments I have heard since giving birth 21 months ago.   Normally, I blow them off, but I think I am reaching a breaking point.

My plea to all is to stop judging and start being supportive.  If you are stranger, just smile and say "hi".   If you are a friend or family member, ask how you can make it better or just lend an ear (a non-judgmental ear)!  My promise is I will do the same as I am no saint and have definitely thought and said some judgmental and mean things in the last week  (let alone my lifetime).   

Here's to laying down all of our gavels!

This is an original Philly Moms Blog post.  You can also find Courtney on her personal blog, mommie blogs.