Dear Kate: Welcome to Single Motherhood

So it's official -- Jon and Kate Plus 8 will now be Jon and Kate's 8 Divided by 2. After lawyers and paperwork and arguments and signatures Kate, mother of eight will become Kate, single mother of eight. Her life will forever change in ways she can't even imagine so based on personal experience and that of my single mom friends I thought I'd give her a heads up of what to expect...

• If you think you've cried yourself out, think again. Moments and circumstances will jump up and smack you down. Being a single parent is not for wimps. You'll feel overwhelmed. You'll feel like you're doing everything and good at nothing.
• Your ex-husband will become a party animal. Women will be all over him (still). Single dads are like puppies. Women love to take them in. He will have lots of dates. Women will date him because of the children. Men will not date you for the same reason.
• There will be women who will shun and exclude you. You'll wonder if it's because they are afraid you will take their husband but it's most likely that they are just plain afraid. You represent all that's scary and possible and lurking in the dark corners of every marriage. To look into your face is to see their own insecurities and fear.
• Your ex will probably re-marry sooner than later. Men don't like to be alone despite what they say. Even if you ex didn't like spending responsible, quality time with your kids he will have more children with the new woman. This cannot logically be explained. Don't try.
• You will be the parent who makes sure there are dental appointments and signed permission slips and bedtimes. Your kids might even accuse you of being  "not fun." This of course is in contrast to their dad who will assume the quintessential role of "Disneyland Dad." While you are making them pick up their toys he will be buying them new ones.
• No matter what kind of bad traits and shortcomings your ex possesses your children will not come to understand these flaws until well into young adulthood. Until then be prepared to button your lip and skip the ex-bashing. It is futile and only serves to make you look like the smaller person.
• There will be moments in your life where you'd give anything to be alone and moments when you'd give anything to have someone standing beside you to share the little things. Don't feel guilty about either one of these feelings. You can love your kids and still need time for yourself.
• Surround yourself with good friends. Good girlfriends. Friends you can call when one of the kids comes home with a paper titled "Things I Want" that lists "a Dad" as number one or who will sit with you while your ex gets re-married or when you've sent the kids off on a cruise with their dad and his girlfriend/new wife/mother of their half sisters and brothers and a pass for unlimited soft drinks.

I can't emphasize that last suggestion enough. The most important thing to remember is that your girlfriends will get you through this. You'll survive raising your kids alone even when you don't think you can do it for another minute. Your kids will survive, even thrive but you'll need a really good support system. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Trust me Kate, you're going to need it.

This is an original 50 Something Moms post. Lollie raised her daughter as a single mom for fifteen years and wouldn't have traded that experience for all the money in the world.