Secrets of Suburbia

You know how you hear that everyone has a secret- even in Suburbia? I never really thought that was true. I mean, there’s nothing real mysterious going on in my life- don’t the neighbors I wave at putting their garbage on the curb have the same boring [well at least not gossip-worthy] life I have? Yeah- NO. There are secrets.  I just stumbled on an ugly, dark one that a very close neighbor has and it has really thrown me for a loop. I’ve recently discovered that my neighbor, someone I considered a friend (albeit not a very close one) is an alcoholic.

I know- it’s not like she’s running a crack house in my backyard or anything- we all probably have an alcoholic or a recovering alcoholic in our lives, but my experience with her and her problem, is hitting very close to home and I’m trying to get a handle on what my role should be and how I handle my own life in the shadow of her problem.

The unfolding of this secret started on a warm summer night this July as my husband and I dined on our deck unwinding after a long day with beers and some burgers. *Jennifer rushed over, near tears, requesting privacy and quickly excused my husband along with my relaxing evening. I offered her a beer (clearly she needed a drink, right?) and she unleashed… fears, complaints, and utter disdain for herself & her SAHM life all while hurling insults at me between breaths. (yes- while I comforted her, patted her shoulder, sat close and listened while my kids who I hadn’t seen all day played in the front yard, she let me know how she really felt about me and the ease with which I [seemed] to live my life). An hour later, a performance consisting of a couple of cartwheels and the shouting of insults to another neighbor, and I was standing by the swingset with some of the other moms that typically gather together on warm summer nights, kids in tow, scratching my head in utter disbelief. “What just happened?” I asked them. “I have no idea” they answered almost in unison.

We had no idea that this was going to be the first of many displays of a life spiraling [publicly] out of control. (because apparently this had been happening on and off, behind the scenes, for several years). Later that week, Jennifer apologized for her behavior that night admitting that she drank a fifth of vodka that day starting at 10am. “That’s the first time I’ve ever done that,” she excused. None of us bought that- you don’t wake up one day out of the blue and decide to polish off an entire bottle while you’re home with your kids. But that confession certainly put us all on high alert.

I could fill several pages with the goings on since that day that have led to deep concern and me writing this post, but when I say it’s gone downhill from there, I mean it’s gone downhill from there. I’ve had a host of emotions from disappointment in myself for not knowing this was going on (how could I NOT notice someone was drunk at 5pm while sitting on the curb chatting about the day’s events?) to anger for having been put in the position of bad guy to my son when repeatedly, minute after minute on some days, I’ve had to deny his requests for a playdate, as I wipe away tears and listen to his howling pleas. And those emotions have also turned to deep concern like after the time her children played in our cul-de-sac for nearly 4 hours without so much of a head nod that Jennifer knew where they were or the time when she pulled into my driveway around 9:30pm after driving home from a 5 day trip, smelling of alcohol, because she couldn’t bear to go home yet (she had been on vacation w/o her kids or husband) and she needed to, once more, get some things off her chest.

Finally, I approached her husband with my concerns and he let me know there was a lot more to it than even I knew. I urged him to call me when he needed me (he travels a lot and is concerned about leaving his children in her care) and he has- a few times. Most people have told me to just stay out of it. Randomly even someone who read my cards at a party told me that a woman (meeting her description) would soon bring drama into my life and I should avoid being part of it. (crazy, right?)

So… I guess my question is, have you ever dealt with this? Have you ever gone through it yourself? What do you think my role should be? I guess I’m just looking for some direction here- leaning on my cyber friends for the great feedback you’re always willing to provide.

*Name changed to protect those of the not-so innocent

This is an original post of the Philly Moms Blog. Lindsay also blogs for Converseon, the social media agency where she is an Account Director.