Love means "Don't bite your sister"

For a while, I thought love meant that you break into a cold sweat whenever the cutest boy in school walks by. Then I deduced that love goes hand and hand with silence, because it's impossible to talk to cute boys. Eventually I managed to squeak a "Hi" at a boy, and I realized that love needs good communication to survive.

In high school, love meant holding hands, kissing, and talking on the phone. In college, I concluded that love is nothing less than the heart pounding passion found in romance novels. In graduate school, I learned that love grows when it is nurtured in truth and respect.

When I got married, I thought that the best way to love someone was to do the household chores. To that end, I "helped" my husband remember his chores by hanging a large chart on our refrigerator door. Yes, I was young and stupid.

It wasn't until I had kids that I realized the true meaning of love. Love means waking up in the middle of the night to search under a crib for a stuffed animal. Love means never saying "Ewwwww!" when your kid does something gross. Love means being a grown up even when your tempted to throw a tantrum. Love means never telling your spouse they smell like diapers and peanut butter. Love means patiently reading a book 5,000 times in a row. 

Thanks to parenthood, I learned that love isn't just a feeling. It's a choice. Choosing to be kind, even when I'm exhausted. Choosing to listen, even though I'm angry. Choosing to do what's right, even though I'm tempted to do what's wrong. I may not always feel loving, but my choices can be loving.

This revelation came in handy when I had to teach my toddler about love. I explained that even though she felt angry, choosing to act on that anger was wrong. I had to repeat this lesson often, but it didn't sink in until I boiled it down into six simple words: "Love means don't bite your sister."

 

This is an original post for Philly Moms. Lynn writes about the lighter side of family life at For Love or Funny.