Giving myself a break

Today, I'm giving myself a break. 

I've been hard on myself lately, as far as my parenting skills are concerned.  I feel like a failure.  I never established boundaries about where my children can (and can't) eat in the house.  My oldest doesn't even eat fruit anymore.  My daughter has been crawling into our bed at night, and we're too tired to move her back.  And my three year old watches too much tv.  Not too mention:  we don't always eat organic and local.  There may well be BPA in their water bottles, but it doesn't matter because they prefer their drinks with high fructose corn syrup. 

Most of the time, I can let these issues slide.   And take heart in the fact that my children are generally happy and healthy, they take pride in doing well in school, and tend to be respectful towards grown ups (though we're still working on the eye contact).  But lately, I've been feeling like a failed parent.  Seems like everytime I turn around, I encounter someone who seems to be doing better than me.

Then today I heard a story on the radio, and realized that I'm doing okay.  I'm doing better than okay.  I may actually be a fabulous parent.  Because while I can easily recall the last time I yelled at the kids, I honestly can't remember the last time I brought one of my children along while I robbed a jewelry store. 

Yes, a couple in Philadelphia robbed a jewelry store, with their four-year-old son in tow.  Even worse, when the police got close, the father ditched the kid and ran. It's appalling.  I admit to experiencing some guilt that this story made me feel not just anger and shock, but also a little bit of self-satisfaction.  Okay, a great deal of self-satisfaction.

When I was in the throes of parenting little kids -- newborns, infants, toddlers, etc -- someone once told me that as long as the kids were clean and fed when they went to bed at night, I was doing fine.  Mine weren't always clean, and sometimes going to "bed" meant sleeping in mine.  But more often than not, I could take that advice to put things in perspective and not be so hard on myself. 

Now that the kids are older, and more is expected of me (rather than just keeping them alive), it's harder to give myself that break.  So I have to set new standards.  I watch Supernanny occasionally so that I can feel better than the parents on the show.  But sometimes that backfires and I see myself in the families on that show, and then I feel lousy again. 

So I have a new standard.  I may not be setting the bar terribly high here, but as long as I can honestly say that I didn't commit a crime with my children today, maybe I'm doing okay.

This is an original post to Philly Moms Blog.