May I Have Your Attention Please?

I watched as my son fidgeted in his seat. "I just can't do it, mom! I'm So frustrated!" he cried. His eyes were filling up with tears. I smiled on the outside but my heart was melting for him on the inside. I reached over and put my hand under his chin. I told him to look me in the eyes. "You can do this Robert.", I said fighting back my frustrations as well. "I will help you." This is homework time for us and this dialog happens frequently.

My son was officially diagnosed with ADD in the fall of 2008. However, I have known in my heart that he has had it for a long time. Maybe since he was born, maybe since he was a toddler. I don't know if ADD/ADHD is something you are born with or something you develop. That is another blog entry for another day. All I truly know is that it has been a struggle for a long time. Even as a toddler I would watch him constantly fidgeting even as he was falling asleep. He was never one to sit down and just watch a movie. Although, after a lot of hard work I can proudly say that now he can.

Kindergarten was especially tough. He had not been to preschool. This was the first time in a class room setting. Kindergarten was full of constant communication with his teachers, and struggling to grasp simple subjects like rhyming and keeping his hands to himself. He wasn't able to pay attention long enough to learn what he needed to learn. Finally, we got Robert into a program where he would meet with the special education teacher once or twice a week. It was wonderful. She was a wonderful teacher. Working together with her, his classroom teacher, and the head teacher we got Robert up to par and  he successfully completed Kindergarten and stayed in the program through 1st grade. At the recommendation of the teacher who was working with him, he stopped meeting with her in 2nd grade. She worked miracles with him but I was still noticing some issues, so I had decided to take him to see a psychologist and get evaluated. I was looking for a diagnosis. While excelling in school we were having issues at home. Issues with anxiety, depression, and not following simple instructions.

Robert started meeting with a psychologist. This is when we got the diagnosis of ADD. She asked if I wanted him to see the psychiatrist so that he could get on some medication. I refused. I have worked as a medical assistant and I know what is in those medications. It's not something I wanted my son on. I'm not knocking parents who make that decision, it's just not something I felt we needed to pursue at that point. Robert continued with counseling and after about 3 months I felt he was ready to stop. He had made significant progress. No more crying before school every morning. No more depression. I was seeing smiles all the time. He was confident. He had his self esteem back.

Sometimes I second guess my decisions. Especially during homework struggles like I mentioned. Or when I'm trying to explain something to him and his eyes are looking every where but me and he can't tell me what I just said. Should I put him back in counseling? Does he need to be on medication? Questions I ask myself a lot. Truth is, this is something that too many parents have to deal with. The diagnosis. The decision of whether or not to medicate. The decision of therapy or counseling. None of them are easy.

The most important thing is that you make your decision based upon what is best for your child. If I medicate my son it may be easier on me. However, what about him? What about the side effects on his body and mind? Right now I'm doing what works for Robert. We use positive reinforcement. Meaning he gets rewarded for trying his best, doing his chores and good behavior. It works best for kids, especially ones with ADD/ADHD.  I keep his diet healthy and try to eliminate as much artificial things as possible. We have also signed him up for Cub Scouts and it is really helping with confidence and self esteem.

If you have a child with ADD/ADHD you are not alone in your feelings. Sometimes feeling helpless or scared. Sometimes even guilt. Did I do something wrong? There are parents every where dealing with it. One case may not be as severe as another however every child has there own insecurities and troubles in certain areas.We have our daily struggles but that comes along with the diagnosis. 

I'm proud to say my son has come a long way. He gets great reports from his teachers and exhibits appropriate behavior in class and at school.

Robert is super smart and the nicest, friendliest kid you'll meet. He is super kind and caring. Robert loves fishing and reading. He is funny and loves life. That what defines him, not the ADD.

Original post to Philly Moms Blog.

Visit Laura t her personal blog www.mainstreammomlaura.blogspot.com

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