When Just Saying "No" Isn't All They Need to Hear

Whitney's PMB post, Learning to Just Say No, from Monday night struck a cord. Whitney and I have been friends since our oldests were 4 months old. We've been parts of the same playgroups, MOMS Club, and PTOs. We've served on numerous boards and committees together. For the past 5 years we've even worked together.

So reading Whitney's post, I had to laugh. I, too, have started saying "no." I had to. I can't be a wife and mom of 3, own a boutique, write for several blogs, start a new career, be a contributing member of a few organizations, teach night school and be president of the PTO and, gasp!, sleep! So, I took some time to evaluate my motivation and my interests and, really, my life.

And I let things go. I dropped the boutique. I stopped moderating an online board of which I was a founder and I dropped 90% of my yahoo group memberships. For the most part, that went fine. People were shocked that my boutique went offline (its actually in the process of closing--sale!) A few people shared their disappointment about the boards, but they understood. I felt good. I felt like Whitney did. People didn't care. They weren't offended. They still remembered me.

And then I didn't renew my MOMS Club membership this year. I'm a former President and VP of our chapter so I had invested a lot of time there. But for the past 2 years I've been a ghost. Two years ago I questioned my membership renewal when I realized that I hadn't been to anything in about 3 months. It occurred to me that I was only a member because I liked Moms Night Out.

And then I grew out of Moms Night Out. So, I didn't renew in November when my membership came up. But in March, when the VP Membership approached me, I happily wrote the $24 check and renewed. The park day they had planned was so inviting!

And when November '09 rolled around I ignored the membership renewal requests again. Sure, it was only $24, but it was e-mails in my inbox and being on a list with people I didn't know. When a request for a playgroup for Little's age came I had no interest in joining. And the holiday party that I had always loved I totally skipped out on in favor of family time. So, really, why spend the $24 on something I knew I wouldn't take advantage of when I could spend it on something else: a gift for a friend or a manicure!

Well, apparently, this was about when the sh!t hit the fan. Or something. Because I started getting e-mails prying into why I left. To quote one mom "I certainly hope you didn't leave because of a problem with a member." I'm sorry, wha? Really? Are we 7? And what problem might she fear I had? Because I haven't been to an event in 11 months!

Last week I saw a few members of the club. (Its a local club: a lot of members go to the same preschool, live within a few minutes of each other, etc.) One of the exec board wouldn't even talk to me. Seriously. She grabbed her stroller, looked the other way and pushed on by. And where did she go? To whisper with another member, peeking back at me. So any thought that I had of rejoining later, if I had the time, disappeared.

MOMS Club was fabulous, when I needed it. It helped me make friends. It gave me a purpose to get out of the house and expand my parenting. It definitely provided countless hours of enjoyment. But I've moved on. Happily.

This is an original Philly Moms Blog post. Julie is still patting herself on her back for saying "no." At the same time, she's catching up on laundry, figuring out her future and cuddling with her kids. Because she said "no" and made the time.